Bill Maher On Global Warming

New Rule: Nobody can use the phrase "our greatest problem" anymore unless you're talking about global warming. President Bush has been saying we're in a war on terror, and now I get it. He's not saying "terror," he's saying "terra" as in "terra firma," as in the Earth. George Bush is an alien sent here to destroy the Earth! I know it sounds crazy, but it made perfect sense when Tom Cruise explained it to me last week.

Now, last week on "60 Minutes," James Hansen, who is NASA's leading expert on the science of climate delivered the world's most important message. He said, "We have to, in the next ten years, begin to decrease the rate of carbon dioxide emissions and then flatten it out. If that doesn't happen in ten years, we're going to be passing certain tipping points. If the ice sheets begin to disintegrate, what can you do about it? You can't tie a rope around an ice sheet." Although I know a certain cowboy from Crawford who might think you could.

And that cowboy and his corporate goons at the White House tried to censor Mr. Hansen from delivering that message, claiming such warnings were speculative. This from the crowd that rushed into a war based on an article in the Weekly Standard.

This - this from the guy who thinks Kyoto is that Japanese emperor dude his dad threw up on. Global warming is not speculative. It threatens us enough so that it should be considered a national security issue. Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction - and that's what global warming is - in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits, for me, the definition of treason. And codified treason.

The guy in the White House who made the edits was Phil Cooney, who had been an oil industry lobbyist before given this job as head of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. That's the office that is supposed to be watching out for us. But that's where Phil busied himself crossing stuff out in scientists' reports, because apparently in Phil's mind, he hadn't switched jobs. He was just doing his old job - oil industry lobbyist - from a different office. You know, in the "people's house."

Republicans have succeeded in making the environment about some tie-dyed dude from Seattle who lives in a solar-powered yurt and eats twigs. It's not. This issue should be driven by something conservatives are much more familiar with: utter selfishness.

That's my motivation. I don't want to live my golden years having to put on a hazmat suit just to go down and get the mail. Those are my Viagra years! When I'll be thinking about having children...

But I wouldn't know what to tell a kid about our world in 20 years. "Dad, tell me about the birds and bees"..... "They're all gone. Now, eat your Soylent Green."

We are letting dying men kill our planet for cash, and they're counting on us being too greedy or distracted, or just plain lazy, to stop them. So, on this day, the 17th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill, let us pause to consider how close we are to making ourselves fossils from the fossil fuels we extract.

In the next 20 years, almost a billion Chinese people will be trading in their bicycles for the automobile. Folks, we either get our shit together on this quickly, or we're going to have to go to Plan B: inventing a car that runs on Chinese people.

Other great Maher quotes:

“I don’t hate America. I hate the idiots who have taken it over and made it look bad.”

"When you think about the fact that in the middle of a war with terrorism, homophobia has still trumped it as an issue. I mean, our country needs to get laid."

"The Democrats, they're always trying to be a little bit Republican. It's like a little bit pregnant."

"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"

"Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn't have to kill them for their oil."

"A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out." --- it sickens me to agree with this comment... but seriously, it's Dark Side of the Moon, the most perfect album ever created. twisted logic... haha

I love liberal humor. All the poor neo-cons have for humor is Ann Coulter, "Al Gore... TOTAL FAG!" .... ahardy har har. Good one Ann, I wonder how long it took you to come up with that HILARIOUS joke. [edit]You know things are bad when your dress weighs more than you do. Maybe if you actually eat something, your brain cells might start functioning again and you'll stop blaming all the world's problems on "the liberals"... you know, the one's who aren't in control of every branch of government. Blaming all the world's problems on "the liberals" is akin to nazi propaganda and anti-semitism. It's a deeply held belief for which there is no evidence.